I had a pretty good Christmas. I spent Christmas and Boxing Day with my flatmates family. It was nice to spend Christmas with a child. My flatmate has a 5 year old niece. She was so excited and ripping into the presents. It made Christmas a lot more fun. I ended up with quite a few little bits and pieces which was pretty cool. But I ate way too much, and lots of Turkey.
Yesterday I rode to Hampton Court Palace and back again. It was a beautiful day riding along the river. But I am a little sore today. Well worth it.
Now I am looking forward to the new year. I am spending New Years eve at a friends place and making our own pizzas which should be quite fun and then watch the fireworks on the tv.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Thoughts and changes
I have a lot of time to myself this weekend and I have been usint it wisely. Not only reading, but also spending time thinking about my life and who I am. What do I want to do, who do I want to be?
I have been planning what I want to do next year. It has been a pretty productive time and I am really looking forward to starting a new year.
The last couple of yeasr have been pretty hard and a real roller coaster ride. I am now looking forward to the new year and what will happen. Although I have plans I also realise that life will often throw things at us and turn us around. But that is the exciting thing isn't it, wondering what will happen next.
My biggest goal for next year is improving my mental health. I have spent time so far this year on it and next year will be fantastic. I have never been so excited about starting a new year.
I have been planning what I want to do next year. It has been a pretty productive time and I am really looking forward to starting a new year.
The last couple of yeasr have been pretty hard and a real roller coaster ride. I am now looking forward to the new year and what will happen. Although I have plans I also realise that life will often throw things at us and turn us around. But that is the exciting thing isn't it, wondering what will happen next.
My biggest goal for next year is improving my mental health. I have spent time so far this year on it and next year will be fantastic. I have never been so excited about starting a new year.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
ill
I am not a big fan of being sick, but I know that it is the body's way of telling me to stop and slow down. Get some rest. Which is exactly what I am doing this weekend. Spending time in bed and catching up on my reading which is great because I have a masive pile of books to read and it just keeps getting bigger.
It does mean however that I can't go out carol singing tonight. I was going in to Waterloo train station with some friends to sing and try and raise money for an orphanage in Kenya. The same one I am hoping to spend some time at next year. I even bought Christmas earrings and a hat for the occasion.
It has given me the chance to finish Hillary Clintons autobiography, Living History. She speaks quite candidly about her husbands infidelity and the struggle she went through at that time. I find her an amazingly strong woman with very clear beliefs that she will not waiver on. A woman that I can really admire. Politics is not something I want to do, but her strength and conviction shows me that I can do anything.
It does mean however that I can't go out carol singing tonight. I was going in to Waterloo train station with some friends to sing and try and raise money for an orphanage in Kenya. The same one I am hoping to spend some time at next year. I even bought Christmas earrings and a hat for the occasion.
It has given me the chance to finish Hillary Clintons autobiography, Living History. She speaks quite candidly about her husbands infidelity and the struggle she went through at that time. I find her an amazingly strong woman with very clear beliefs that she will not waiver on. A woman that I can really admire. Politics is not something I want to do, but her strength and conviction shows me that I can do anything.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
2009
2008 is coming to a close and it is at this time that I start to think about next year.
I always said that there was so much I wanted to do before I turned 30 and that will happen next year. While my close friends are married, some with children I am still single and at this stage am not ready for all of that.
I feel that a change is coming for me next year and I am excited about what that will be. I do not see myself returning to Australia any time soon. I am not ready to do that yet. But do I want to stay in the UK or go somewhere else.
I have no idea what is in store for me next year, but that won't stop me from enjoying the ride.
I always said that there was so much I wanted to do before I turned 30 and that will happen next year. While my close friends are married, some with children I am still single and at this stage am not ready for all of that.
I feel that a change is coming for me next year and I am excited about what that will be. I do not see myself returning to Australia any time soon. I am not ready to do that yet. But do I want to stay in the UK or go somewhere else.
I have no idea what is in store for me next year, but that won't stop me from enjoying the ride.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Its goooooood
Well I have to say that I am feeling pretty good. Very much looking forward to my Christmas break. I am having two weeks off which will be great. I have a stack of books I want to read and start my work on the Enneagram.
I am going to be using my two weeks to look at 2009 and some things that I really want to achieve. One plan I have is to do some volunteer work at an orphange in Kenya that our company donates money to and tries to support. One of our directors has very close links and many friends there. Going to Africa to do some volunteering is something I have thought about doing and the fact that I have a connection to this place would be great. I am sure that many people will warn me from going because of dangers and stuff. But next year I am going to be embarking on a personal journey and this is one step that I really want to take.
I am also going to stop going to the gym for awhile until I have paid off more of my debts and really build up my savings. I am buying my flatmates bike this week which will make up for it, plus I have a cross trainer which will be fun.
I am looking forward to a whole new journey next year and I am really excited about the journey ahead. Who knows where it will take me, but that is the exciting part.
Merry Christmas!
I am going to be using my two weeks to look at 2009 and some things that I really want to achieve. One plan I have is to do some volunteer work at an orphange in Kenya that our company donates money to and tries to support. One of our directors has very close links and many friends there. Going to Africa to do some volunteering is something I have thought about doing and the fact that I have a connection to this place would be great. I am sure that many people will warn me from going because of dangers and stuff. But next year I am going to be embarking on a personal journey and this is one step that I really want to take.
I am also going to stop going to the gym for awhile until I have paid off more of my debts and really build up my savings. I am buying my flatmates bike this week which will make up for it, plus I have a cross trainer which will be fun.
I am looking forward to a whole new journey next year and I am really excited about the journey ahead. Who knows where it will take me, but that is the exciting part.
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Enneagram
I have recently been learning about this thing called the Enneagram. It is a personality based test, kind of like the Myers Briggs one.
But this one is based on spirituality. It is an amazing discover for me and it is used widely in the work that my company does. So we talk about it pretty much everyday.
There are 9 personality types. Each type then has wings that reveal another part of your personality. It describes healthy, average and unhealthy levels of each personality type as well. This is the part that I am finding the most interesting and helpful. It is adding to what I am going through with my depression. By using the Enneagram alongside CBT is making a real difference. My personality type is listed as the individualist. Pretty scary how accurate it is, especially when I look at the unhealthy levels and know that I have been. The Enneagram also talks about ways of moving out of the unhealthy levels back to the healthy ones.
For anyone who loves learning about personalities or getting a better insight into yourself (or those closest to you) I highly recommend the Enneagram. The Enneagram Institute based in America also runs a numerous amount of courses on the Enneagram to different degrees. I am thinking about undertaking some training there myself.
One day I would love to be able to run workshops myself and all the healing and learning I am undertaking takes me that little bit closer to the place I want to be in.
But this one is based on spirituality. It is an amazing discover for me and it is used widely in the work that my company does. So we talk about it pretty much everyday.
There are 9 personality types. Each type then has wings that reveal another part of your personality. It describes healthy, average and unhealthy levels of each personality type as well. This is the part that I am finding the most interesting and helpful. It is adding to what I am going through with my depression. By using the Enneagram alongside CBT is making a real difference. My personality type is listed as the individualist. Pretty scary how accurate it is, especially when I look at the unhealthy levels and know that I have been. The Enneagram also talks about ways of moving out of the unhealthy levels back to the healthy ones.
For anyone who loves learning about personalities or getting a better insight into yourself (or those closest to you) I highly recommend the Enneagram. The Enneagram Institute based in America also runs a numerous amount of courses on the Enneagram to different degrees. I am thinking about undertaking some training there myself.
One day I would love to be able to run workshops myself and all the healing and learning I am undertaking takes me that little bit closer to the place I want to be in.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Update
It has been a couple of weeks since my last entry (duly noted).
Things are going really well. I am at a place where I am really open to learning these new techniques which has really helped. I am using a website called Living Life to the Full. It has been created by the NHS in Scotland and is completely free.
I have learnt some techniques for sleeping better and changing my thinking patterns. The biggest thing for me is sleeping better. Although I have been taking sleeping tablets, I have come off them now using natural techniques to help me sleep and the last three nights have been good nights sleep.
I highly recommend this site and these techniques. But remember you need to be open to this process to really want to get better.
I am hoping to start some one to one sessions as well. I have to wait until an NHS psychologist is available. This is for me to work through stuff that is always in my head and I need to get out and deal with in order to really get better and stop using the medication.
I am feeling really excited about the process that I am going through. Will definitely keep you posted.
I also want to thank everyone and their support, it is really appreciated.
Things are going really well. I am at a place where I am really open to learning these new techniques which has really helped. I am using a website called Living Life to the Full. It has been created by the NHS in Scotland and is completely free.
I have learnt some techniques for sleeping better and changing my thinking patterns. The biggest thing for me is sleeping better. Although I have been taking sleeping tablets, I have come off them now using natural techniques to help me sleep and the last three nights have been good nights sleep.
I highly recommend this site and these techniques. But remember you need to be open to this process to really want to get better.
I am hoping to start some one to one sessions as well. I have to wait until an NHS psychologist is available. This is for me to work through stuff that is always in my head and I need to get out and deal with in order to really get better and stop using the medication.
I am feeling really excited about the process that I am going through. Will definitely keep you posted.
I also want to thank everyone and their support, it is really appreciated.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
Tomorrow I am being assessed by the NHS Primary Care Trust. There is a section that focuses on mental health.
Hopefully this will help me and the way that I think. I can be quite negative, mostly to myself. The saying 'You are your own worst enemy' can be very true, especially for someone who like me can easily think the worst of everything. Things can get really hard for me and this is the next step in getting better and being able to come off the drugs completely one day. Not thinking too far ahead yet, I still have a very long way to go.
Some days are better than others, generally more better days.
I had the week off last week from work. It was nice but I pretty much spent the whole time sleeping. One of the joyous symptoms of depression along with some memory loss. Not fun when I forget things at work. Such little things and people don't realise that these 'symptoms' are misdiagnosed. I never associated all the things (I learnt some of them in a seminary I attended last week) with me, but there you go.
I can only go up and that is where I plan on going.
Hopefully this will help me and the way that I think. I can be quite negative, mostly to myself. The saying 'You are your own worst enemy' can be very true, especially for someone who like me can easily think the worst of everything. Things can get really hard for me and this is the next step in getting better and being able to come off the drugs completely one day. Not thinking too far ahead yet, I still have a very long way to go.
Some days are better than others, generally more better days.
I had the week off last week from work. It was nice but I pretty much spent the whole time sleeping. One of the joyous symptoms of depression along with some memory loss. Not fun when I forget things at work. Such little things and people don't realise that these 'symptoms' are misdiagnosed. I never associated all the things (I learnt some of them in a seminary I attended last week) with me, but there you go.
I can only go up and that is where I plan on going.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Check up
Went to the doctors yesterday for a check up. Doing ok, though not as well as I had hoped. The doctor has increased my dosage and given me some sleeping tablets. The last couple of months I have not been sleeping well and spend the whole day yawning and wishing I was back in bed. I have to say I have a much deeper sleep, but it has only been one night and I am not feeling better rested yet.
I was disappointed that I had to my doseage increased, but my doctor is really positive and wants me to focus on just getting better to start with and then look at long term solutions. He thinks I am trying to do much all at once to get better when I should be taking one step at a time. I guess that is just the way I am. But I am learning to slow down a bit and take things one step at a time.
This time it feels like I have to work harder. But this time I know it is about me. I am not getting better because I want to be better for someone else, I want to get better for me.
I was disappointed that I had to my doseage increased, but my doctor is really positive and wants me to focus on just getting better to start with and then look at long term solutions. He thinks I am trying to do much all at once to get better when I should be taking one step at a time. I guess that is just the way I am. But I am learning to slow down a bit and take things one step at a time.
This time it feels like I have to work harder. But this time I know it is about me. I am not getting better because I want to be better for someone else, I want to get better for me.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Church
I went to church yesterday. The first time in a very long time. It felt good, though there were quite a few older people so I did feel a little odd, but it felt normal being there. I have felt pretty spiritually dry recently so that was the main reason for going. The sermon was Out of Bondage. You may be at liberty but are you free. I found it really good especially where I am at the moment. I am feeling a little lost and wondering whether I am free. I am feeling a lot better since I have been back on my anti-depressants as well as joining the gym. But there is something missing as well. Not sure if I need stronger medication, but I will be seeing the doctor again next week for a check up. Plus I have been feeling tired a lot recently. I am eating really well and getting lots of sleep, but still feeling tired. Another thing to talk to the doctor about. I am tired of being tired, yawning all day is not fun.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Fear
Fear cna be such a paralising thing. I have been reading a book called Why is God Laughing? by Deepak Chopra. It is a wonderful and enlightening book about a comedian whose father dies and he goes on a journey to find himself and find true happiness. It is written very well and easy to follow.
But are we ready to give up Fear, our Ego and our Addiction to our past. In order to be free and truly happy we have to give them up. If it makes us happy why do we find it so hard to give them up?
But are we ready to give up Fear, our Ego and our Addiction to our past. In order to be free and truly happy we have to give them up. If it makes us happy why do we find it so hard to give them up?
Monday, September 01, 2008
The Gym
Today was my first session back at the gym. I am going to a new gym, no more pole dancing. But this gym has a pool instead.
Today was my introduction and the first part of my program was put together, just cardio for now. It feels different this time. I think because I am doing it for me and just me. Not because I want to impress anyone and it isn't for anyone. It is for me so that I can get better.
I feel pretty good after my first session, even if it didn't go for a long time. I also want to combine some aerobic classes with my program.
I have a goal of getting back to 60kgs by the time I go back to Oz for a holiday. So plenty of time to get there, no rush.
Today was my introduction and the first part of my program was put together, just cardio for now. It feels different this time. I think because I am doing it for me and just me. Not because I want to impress anyone and it isn't for anyone. It is for me so that I can get better.
I feel pretty good after my first session, even if it didn't go for a long time. I also want to combine some aerobic classes with my program.
I have a goal of getting back to 60kgs by the time I go back to Oz for a holiday. So plenty of time to get there, no rush.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Good day
Today was a good day.
I went and joined the gym today. I feel prety for joining, now I just have to go. They have a program with the instructors that check up on you every month, so I will be accountable to someone which means it will more likely work.
I have to keep up the good work and I will get better. I am looking forward to the process of getting better.
I went and joined the gym today. I feel prety for joining, now I just have to go. They have a program with the instructors that check up on you every month, so I will be accountable to someone which means it will more likely work.
I have to keep up the good work and I will get better. I am looking forward to the process of getting better.
Friday, August 29, 2008
The pursuit of happiness
What can make us happy?
It is something that I am grappling with recently.
So I have decided to document my progress in happiness.
I have started my medication today and I want to be better. So by telling others how I am going through this journey then maybe I can help others.
I am good.
My afternoon at work was great. I was aware and motivated to work. I had things to be done and I got them done.
I had dates scheduled and I cancelled them. It is time I thought about me and my progress.
I am not a naturally happy person and I want to be.
I hope if anyone reads this and it helps them then I know what I am going through was worth it.
It is something that I am grappling with recently.
So I have decided to document my progress in happiness.
I have started my medication today and I want to be better. So by telling others how I am going through this journey then maybe I can help others.
I am good.
My afternoon at work was great. I was aware and motivated to work. I had things to be done and I got them done.
I had dates scheduled and I cancelled them. It is time I thought about me and my progress.
I am not a naturally happy person and I want to be.
I hope if anyone reads this and it helps them then I know what I am going through was worth it.
Back to the Future
Well what can I say.
After some serious reflecting and a really long chat with mum, I made an appointment with my doctor. Things have not been quite right for a few weeks.
I went to the doctors and I am back on my anti-depressants. I feel a little like I am admiting defeat. But it was the right thing. I needed something to give me a kick to get better again. I don't like that I need drugs to make me feel better. But it is funny that when I am on my anti-depressants I feel great, I feel human and I can function in the world.
I am feeling better and lets hope this time it will stick.
After some serious reflecting and a really long chat with mum, I made an appointment with my doctor. Things have not been quite right for a few weeks.
I went to the doctors and I am back on my anti-depressants. I feel a little like I am admiting defeat. But it was the right thing. I needed something to give me a kick to get better again. I don't like that I need drugs to make me feel better. But it is funny that when I am on my anti-depressants I feel great, I feel human and I can function in the world.
I am feeling better and lets hope this time it will stick.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Self Reflection part 2
Well it was a long weekend, but amazing.
Things have been pretty off for me recently and after a couple of conversations with people I have decided to go back to the doctor and look at going back on my anti-depressants. Not something I want to do, feels a bit like admitting defeat, but it is also admitting I need help.
Thinking about all kinds of stuff is pretty scary but it certainly helped me see a few things a lot clearer which was really great. It has given me a point to start on the recovery again.
When I went to work, my boss asked how things were and how I was feeling. It was good we had a bit of a chat, but it feels a lot like he is trying to figure me out and I don't think I want him to figure me out. He also wants to try and solve all my problems. I hate that. I just like to get things off my chest. It is such a boy thing to try and solve.
But working where I do has meant that I have a lot of support and hopefully this time round I will be successful in increasing my happiness, etc.
Things have been pretty off for me recently and after a couple of conversations with people I have decided to go back to the doctor and look at going back on my anti-depressants. Not something I want to do, feels a bit like admitting defeat, but it is also admitting I need help.
Thinking about all kinds of stuff is pretty scary but it certainly helped me see a few things a lot clearer which was really great. It has given me a point to start on the recovery again.
When I went to work, my boss asked how things were and how I was feeling. It was good we had a bit of a chat, but it feels a lot like he is trying to figure me out and I don't think I want him to figure me out. He also wants to try and solve all my problems. I hate that. I just like to get things off my chest. It is such a boy thing to try and solve.
But working where I do has meant that I have a lot of support and hopefully this time round I will be successful in increasing my happiness, etc.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Olympics
The Beijing Olympics are over. Well the closing ceremony is still going. I always thought this was supposed to be a party. Not so much a party than an Opera. But beautiful none the less.
I have to say I did have a little tear when the flame went out. Although these games were not as successful for Australia, I still think we did damn well considering how small a population we are. We were only two medal behind Great Britain who did freakishly well. Good for them. Plus being here I don't hear the end of it. I think the highlight for me was watching an Australian beat the Chinese in the diving, go Matthew Mitchum.
I am hoping that my cousin will be at 2012. Trampolining may not be a massive sport, but it is great watch, along with gymnastics and diving, my favourite sports of the Olmpics.
I was a little disappointed with the London show preparing us for 2012. The least Beckham could have done was kicked the ball around a little bit and then boot it into the crowd. I wonder if he will be at London 2012. I guess we will just have to wait and see.
I would love to be here in London for 2012. That will make 2 Olympic games in 12 years. Shit 12 years, how scary is that. Not sure if I want to volunteer for those ones. Thinking about a 12 year difference just makes me feel really old.
The party has started in Beijing, with Jackie Chan singing. He certainly has many talents.
Go London 2012, C'mon Australia.
I have to say I did have a little tear when the flame went out. Although these games were not as successful for Australia, I still think we did damn well considering how small a population we are. We were only two medal behind Great Britain who did freakishly well. Good for them. Plus being here I don't hear the end of it. I think the highlight for me was watching an Australian beat the Chinese in the diving, go Matthew Mitchum.
I am hoping that my cousin will be at 2012. Trampolining may not be a massive sport, but it is great watch, along with gymnastics and diving, my favourite sports of the Olmpics.
I was a little disappointed with the London show preparing us for 2012. The least Beckham could have done was kicked the ball around a little bit and then boot it into the crowd. I wonder if he will be at London 2012. I guess we will just have to wait and see.
I would love to be here in London for 2012. That will make 2 Olympic games in 12 years. Shit 12 years, how scary is that. Not sure if I want to volunteer for those ones. Thinking about a 12 year difference just makes me feel really old.
The party has started in Beijing, with Jackie Chan singing. He certainly has many talents.
Go London 2012, C'mon Australia.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Self reflection
I have a 4 day weekend this weekend.
My plan is to use this time for some serious self reflection. I started tonight.
It is pretty nerve wracking, scary and well interesting. It is going to be a long 4 days, but I am actually looking forward to it as well.
My job has shown me that to be really happy is to make an internal choice. I have also discovered how much some people really want to figure out those around them. I am also incredibly independant and don't like people invading my personal space. So this is a really hard journey for me but something I really need to do.
Reading books are good and help me on my way, but it is about my decision to be happy. I have to really want it. The problem is that maybe I don't want to be happy. I am finding it really hard. So bizarre.
My plan is to use this time for some serious self reflection. I started tonight.
It is pretty nerve wracking, scary and well interesting. It is going to be a long 4 days, but I am actually looking forward to it as well.
My job has shown me that to be really happy is to make an internal choice. I have also discovered how much some people really want to figure out those around them. I am also incredibly independant and don't like people invading my personal space. So this is a really hard journey for me but something I really need to do.
Reading books are good and help me on my way, but it is about my decision to be happy. I have to really want it. The problem is that maybe I don't want to be happy. I am finding it really hard. So bizarre.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Exorcism of Emily Rose
I watched this movie last night. Normal I would steer away from movies like this. I am not a scary movie person. But this movie isn't scary.
It deals with the supernatural and a girl believed to be possessed.
I have always been intrigued by the spirit world and its existence alongside our world. I believe that there are spirits that try to influence and guide us. Which makes it all nice, there is also evil and trying to distinguish between the two can be hard sometimes. Watching this movie last night made me think how easy it is for them to cross over and stay.
Some people are going to think I am crazy, but it might explain my favourite tv shows being buffy, angel, charmed.
Once you open yourself up to these things, it isn't so easy to turn it off.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Paris for President
What an interesting ad campaign?
If you haven't seen it, find it. It is witty, and well done. She even has a stance on the energy crisis. A bit of everything. It will probably help she is wearing a bathing suit. Would be good to know if she wrote it herself or whether it came from one of her people.
Definitely put a smile on my face and wouldn't you think she would make a great US president.
Vote for Paris!
If you haven't seen it, find it. It is witty, and well done. She even has a stance on the energy crisis. A bit of everything. It will probably help she is wearing a bathing suit. Would be good to know if she wrote it herself or whether it came from one of her people.
Definitely put a smile on my face and wouldn't you think she would make a great US president.
Vote for Paris!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The Dark Knight
Well, what can I say, but wow! I went into this movie expecting it would be good. But it exceeded my expectations. Heath Ledgers performance deserves whatever accolades we can give to him. I believe it would take a lot to look within himself to create a character such as this. It makes me wonder perhaps what this role did to him. He is just so plain evil and twisted. This movie is the top of the all time best movies, and his performace has to be right up there as well.
I was a little disappointed in the setting. Gotham has always been a small town with big personalities, this Batman it seemed that Gotham was huge and the personalities smaller. Except for the Joker. Along side him everyone seems so small, even Harvey Dent and Batman. I am sorry to say that I didn't like Harvey Dent. I wanted more evil from him. He was too human and Gotham was too New York.
It felt like Heath knew it would be his last role and he put his whole self into it. It is so sad to know that we will never see a performance from him again.
I was suprised at the ending, it threw me. Not what I expected. I womder what the next Batma movie will be. Will they ever bring the Joker back. My hope is that they won't, I don't think anyone could do a better or even the same performance.
This is my number movie of all time, highly recommend it.
I was a little disappointed in the setting. Gotham has always been a small town with big personalities, this Batman it seemed that Gotham was huge and the personalities smaller. Except for the Joker. Along side him everyone seems so small, even Harvey Dent and Batman. I am sorry to say that I didn't like Harvey Dent. I wanted more evil from him. He was too human and Gotham was too New York.
It felt like Heath knew it would be his last role and he put his whole self into it. It is so sad to know that we will never see a performance from him again.
I was suprised at the ending, it threw me. Not what I expected. I womder what the next Batma movie will be. Will they ever bring the Joker back. My hope is that they won't, I don't think anyone could do a better or even the same performance.
This is my number movie of all time, highly recommend it.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Holidays
Finally I am starting to plan holidays for the next year. I am hoping to go to Majorca in a couple of months and next year my big trip will be to go home and New York for my birthday. Seen as next year is my big 30 I want to celebrate in style. Should be good.
Wall E
I went to see Wall E. Very very cute. Though I am sorry to say it isn't as good as other Pixar films. I like the idea of robots being in control of the humans, it was quite funny, a bit Matrix style. Wall E is the cutest little robot. Not so much a mesage at the end of it, but worth it for the kids. The little cartoon at the beginning was very good though.
Hanging out to see Dark Knight this weekend though.
Hanging out to see Dark Knight this weekend though.
Friday, July 18, 2008
I Can Do It
I have to say that I am really happy. Life is good and I am love. I am learning to love everything about myself. Plus we are all connected. By loving me I am loving everyone around me. I am enjoying being single, because I am not alone. Life is good and I learn everyday that I am good the way I am.
The Happiness Project (where I work) is such an amazing place to work and I am so blessed to have found it. I truly believe things are meant to be and that I was meant to work for this company. I fit really well and everyone is amazing. It is such an amazing, inspiring place. Plus it is helping my spiritual and emotional wellbeing.
I am everything I seek!
The Happiness Project (where I work) is such an amazing place to work and I am so blessed to have found it. I truly believe things are meant to be and that I was meant to work for this company. I fit really well and everyone is amazing. It is such an amazing, inspiring place. Plus it is helping my spiritual and emotional wellbeing.
I am everything I seek!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Success Intelligence
I have started a new job at a place called Success Intelligence. They are a training company and they work with big corporations throughout the world as well as running courses about work/life balance and being happy now. It is really good. I get to be creative and I work with a great bunch of inspiring and amazing people. The director of the company is a guy by the name of Robert Holden and he has written numerous books on happiness and he used to run laughter clinics through the NHS.
The office is right on the Thames and there are a family of swans that come into the backyard everyday and we feed them. It is very cool.
My website is almost there. Hopefully I will start selling some things soon.
The office is right on the Thames and there are a family of swans that come into the backyard everyday and we feed them. It is very cool.
My website is almost there. Hopefully I will start selling some things soon.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Better
It has been almost a week. I am feeling better, but it is still hard.
I am thinking about going back to Oz. There isn't anything really keeping me here anymore.
I thought I knew what I wanted, but not anymore.
To be honest I am a little scared of what my future holds.
I am thinking about going back to Oz. There isn't anything really keeping me here anymore.
I thought I knew what I wanted, but not anymore.
To be honest I am a little scared of what my future holds.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sad
I never thought that I would be this sad.
I feel broken, like there is a huge hole in my heart.
I have never felt so alone.
I just wish I felt ok.
I feel broken, like there is a huge hole in my heart.
I have never felt so alone.
I just wish I felt ok.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Creamed Corn
It is funny how the simple things are often what make life just that little bit easier to deal with. I was wandering around Tesco and found creamed corn. I have been looking for it since I got here, and now I found it. But I don't have anyone to share it with.
Dean and I broke up this weekend. I am so sad and part of me just wants to lie in bed all day and do nothing. I start crying for absolutely no reason. I know I will be okay, but it is hard. He wanted to make sure I was okay. But it is hard to still see him at Daytona.
Time is now for me to spend some time on me which is good. But I want to be with him.
You will always be in my heart Dean.
Dean and I broke up this weekend. I am so sad and part of me just wants to lie in bed all day and do nothing. I start crying for absolutely no reason. I know I will be okay, but it is hard. He wanted to make sure I was okay. But it is hard to still see him at Daytona.
Time is now for me to spend some time on me which is good. But I want to be with him.
You will always be in my heart Dean.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Longleat
I just spent a week on holidays in Longleat. There is a place called Ceterparcs which is great. It is a holiday resort with hundreds of things to do.
On the first day we went on a safari which is outside of Centerparcs, at Longleat house. There were so many different types of animals. The monkey enclosure was fun, with monkeys climbing all over the cars, which meant a very slow journey through there. The deers were the scariest. You think deers are cute and sweet, no way. You can buy food and feed the deers, which the deer know and they attacke the car. We had 2 or 3 deer heads coming through each window trying to get food. Crazy.
Centerparcs is in the middle of Longleat forest andall the villas are amongst the trees. It is really beautiful. You can't hear any cars, no pollution and lots of animals. There were squirrels, ducks, rabbits and birds all over the place. All of them come up to your door to see if they can get fed.
There is os much to do that if you are bored then you are clearly an uninteresting person. There is the Lagoon pool which is heated and indoors and outdoors, all weather. There are rapids around the outside which was very fun and a couple of hot tubs.
Martyn bought his Wii with him so we were playing that. I so want to get a Wii.
It was a really nice break, and hard to come back to civilisation.
On the first day we went on a safari which is outside of Centerparcs, at Longleat house. There were so many different types of animals. The monkey enclosure was fun, with monkeys climbing all over the cars, which meant a very slow journey through there. The deers were the scariest. You think deers are cute and sweet, no way. You can buy food and feed the deers, which the deer know and they attacke the car. We had 2 or 3 deer heads coming through each window trying to get food. Crazy.
Centerparcs is in the middle of Longleat forest andall the villas are amongst the trees. It is really beautiful. You can't hear any cars, no pollution and lots of animals. There were squirrels, ducks, rabbits and birds all over the place. All of them come up to your door to see if they can get fed.
There is os much to do that if you are bored then you are clearly an uninteresting person. There is the Lagoon pool which is heated and indoors and outdoors, all weather. There are rapids around the outside which was very fun and a couple of hot tubs.
Martyn bought his Wii with him so we were playing that. I so want to get a Wii.
It was a really nice break, and hard to come back to civilisation.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Hair
Why is it that when we want to change something in out lives, we start with our hair. I am sure it is probably just a girl thing. Recently I went blonde, though it turned more ginger than anything else. It actually doesn't look to bad, would have preferred blonde. Now I want to cut my hair. Then I might try and actually go blonde properly.
Dean isn't so sure about the ginger. The haircut might get rid of some of it. My roots are already growing out. Scary how quickly it grows.
Well lets see how it goes!
Dean isn't so sure about the ginger. The haircut might get rid of some of it. My roots are already growing out. Scary how quickly it grows.
Well lets see how it goes!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Creativeness
I have my website online. www.bronsaccessories.com
Check it out when you have a chance and let your friends know about it. I am still working on a couple of things, but they should be worked out this week. I didn't do it all myself, I had some help from my boyfriends mate Dan. He is good with this sort of thing. I am really proud of my website. I just hope something comes of it and I can make some money. It is great to finally be using my creative side. Unfortunately jobs aren't going so well. After I quit my job I have been doing some temp work, not as much as I was hoping I would which really sucks so money is really tight at the moment. I am looking at other things and am focusing on part time jobs. I still cook BBQ's at Daytona, and I have applied for some part time work at a couple of pubs as a waitress, bar staff. We will see what happens. I just need to get some things up and running. So I am a bit stressed at the moment, but happier than when I was doing a job I didn't enjoy.
Check it out when you have a chance and let your friends know about it. I am still working on a couple of things, but they should be worked out this week. I didn't do it all myself, I had some help from my boyfriends mate Dan. He is good with this sort of thing. I am really proud of my website. I just hope something comes of it and I can make some money. It is great to finally be using my creative side. Unfortunately jobs aren't going so well. After I quit my job I have been doing some temp work, not as much as I was hoping I would which really sucks so money is really tight at the moment. I am looking at other things and am focusing on part time jobs. I still cook BBQ's at Daytona, and I have applied for some part time work at a couple of pubs as a waitress, bar staff. We will see what happens. I just need to get some things up and running. So I am a bit stressed at the moment, but happier than when I was doing a job I didn't enjoy.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Fear
I fear that I have lost my way. I fear that I will never find who I am, that I will never find my place in this world. I fear that I will run out of money before I can figure myself out. I fear that I will end up alone.
Fear is so strong and I often find it hard to overcome fear, though I usually do. This time I worry that it may not be so easy. I have no desire to lose what I have.
Watching Elizabeth the first reign as Queen of England makes me want to succeed in whatever it is that I do. She was so beautiful and so powerful. She did not do as she was told. She was independent and did what she needed to do. Her spirit was strong.
Fear is so strong and I often find it hard to overcome fear, though I usually do. This time I worry that it may not be so easy. I have no desire to lose what I have.
Watching Elizabeth the first reign as Queen of England makes me want to succeed in whatever it is that I do. She was so beautiful and so powerful. She did not do as she was told. She was independent and did what she needed to do. Her spirit was strong.
Monday, April 21, 2008
8 miles
Today I walked 8 miles to Hampton Court Palace and back again. All of my joints hurt, but I feel like I have accomplished something.
It was a really nice walk along the Thames. When I got to Hampton Court I stopped for fish and chips and a beer.
It was a really nice walk along the Thames. When I got to Hampton Court I stopped for fish and chips and a beer.
travelling the countryside
Following Dean around through the karting season is really great. Not only do I get to see a lot of the English countryside but I also get to practice my sketching and photography because these tracks are usually all hidden away in the bush.
This weekend I went to Buckmore park. I managed to get a few good pictures of Dean racing, well once I get them developed I will be able to tell, so hopefully they turned out well.
To give an update on the job thing, I have left my job and am temping. It is fun because I get to do different things. Though last week I wroked at a debt collectors, and not such a good place. Everyone was really nice though. I am still cooking bbq's at Daytona and I am creating a website to sell the bags and accessories that I make, so hopefully all these little bits will help me.
This weekend I went to Buckmore park. I managed to get a few good pictures of Dean racing, well once I get them developed I will be able to tell, so hopefully they turned out well.
To give an update on the job thing, I have left my job and am temping. It is fun because I get to do different things. Though last week I wroked at a debt collectors, and not such a good place. Everyone was really nice though. I am still cooking bbq's at Daytona and I am creating a website to sell the bags and accessories that I make, so hopefully all these little bits will help me.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Untitled
I am not really sure how to title this post, so I'm not.
I have started an Interior Design course recently. I am really enjoying it and can't wait to get further in. I finally have the chance to be creative.
My biggest problem is finding a job. The job that I have at the moment is not fulfiling me at all and I need to change. The hardest thing is figuring out what to do.
I have been applying for different things. I don't want to do something just for the sake of having a job. I know it is said all the time but life is too short and I want to enjoy my life.
Crazy ramblings, but that said, feel better.
I have started an Interior Design course recently. I am really enjoying it and can't wait to get further in. I finally have the chance to be creative.
My biggest problem is finding a job. The job that I have at the moment is not fulfiling me at all and I need to change. The hardest thing is figuring out what to do.
I have been applying for different things. I don't want to do something just for the sake of having a job. I know it is said all the time but life is too short and I want to enjoy my life.
Crazy ramblings, but that said, feel better.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Snow
It snowed all day today. It was brillant. I had lots of fun walking around Walton in the snow taking lots of pictures. My poor car was completely covered in snow and was very cold!
But it was very cool.
But it was very cool.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Hello World
Its been awhile and I have been told that I don't write here enough so people can't keep up with what I am doing over here in the UK.
Life is very good for me. I have a job that is having its ups and downs but I think I might be getting somewhere which is great. I am an administration manager, which is a little boring, but hopefully things will pick up soon.
I have bought a car recently, a little ford fiesta. It is a great little car and cheap to run which is great. I have missed driving and it is good to finally be back driving again.
Last week I started a new course. I am doing a Diploma in Interior Design and Decoration. I am doing it through a college in London. I am enjoying being able to use my creative side for my course and not just a hobby. So taking pictures and drawing can be done and not me just procastinating. Plus I have to visit historical places, such as Palaces. Very cool.
Life is pretty good. But I am just living as it comes.
Life is very good for me. I have a job that is having its ups and downs but I think I might be getting somewhere which is great. I am an administration manager, which is a little boring, but hopefully things will pick up soon.
I have bought a car recently, a little ford fiesta. It is a great little car and cheap to run which is great. I have missed driving and it is good to finally be back driving again.
Last week I started a new course. I am doing a Diploma in Interior Design and Decoration. I am doing it through a college in London. I am enjoying being able to use my creative side for my course and not just a hobby. So taking pictures and drawing can be done and not me just procastinating. Plus I have to visit historical places, such as Palaces. Very cool.
Life is pretty good. But I am just living as it comes.
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