Church

I went to church yesterday. The first time in a very long time. It felt good, though there were quite a few older people so I did feel a little odd, but it felt normal being there. I have felt pretty spiritually dry recently so that was the main reason for going. The sermon was Out of Bondage. You may be at liberty but are you free. I found it really good especially where I am at the moment. I am feeling a little lost and wondering whether I am free. I am feeling a lot better since I have been back on my anti-depressants as well as joining the gym. But there is something missing as well. Not sure if I need stronger medication, but I will be seeing the doctor again next week for a check up. Plus I have been feeling tired a lot recently. I am eating really well and getting lots of sleep, but still feeling tired. Another thing to talk to the doctor about. I am tired of being tired, yawning all day is not fun.

Fear

Fear cna be such a paralising thing. I have been reading a book called Why is God Laughing? by Deepak Chopra. It is a wonderful and enlightening book about a comedian whose father dies and he goes on a journey to find himself and find true happiness. It is written very well and easy to follow.
But are we ready to give up Fear, our Ego and our Addiction to our past. In order to be free and truly happy we have to give them up. If it makes us happy why do we find it so hard to give them up?

The Gym

Today was my first session back at the gym. I am going to a new gym, no more pole dancing. But this gym has a pool instead.
Today was my introduction and the first part of my program was put together, just cardio for now. It feels different this time. I think because I am doing it for me and just me. Not because I want to impress anyone and it isn't for anyone. It is for me so that I can get better.
I feel pretty good after my first session, even if it didn't go for a long time. I also want to combine some aerobic classes with my program.
I have a goal of getting back to 60kgs by the time I go back to Oz for a holiday. So plenty of time to get there, no rush.