Church

I went to church yesterday. The first time in a very long time. It felt good, though there were quite a few older people so I did feel a little odd, but it felt normal being there. I have felt pretty spiritually dry recently so that was the main reason for going. The sermon was Out of Bondage. You may be at liberty but are you free. I found it really good especially where I am at the moment. I am feeling a little lost and wondering whether I am free. I am feeling a lot better since I have been back on my anti-depressants as well as joining the gym. But there is something missing as well. Not sure if I need stronger medication, but I will be seeing the doctor again next week for a check up. Plus I have been feeling tired a lot recently. I am eating really well and getting lots of sleep, but still feeling tired. Another thing to talk to the doctor about. I am tired of being tired, yawning all day is not fun.

Fear

Fear cna be such a paralising thing. I have been reading a book called Why is God Laughing? by Deepak Chopra. It is a wonderful and enlightening book about a comedian whose father dies and he goes on a journey to find himself and find true happiness. It is written very well and easy to follow.
But are we ready to give up Fear, our Ego and our Addiction to our past. In order to be free and truly happy we have to give them up. If it makes us happy why do we find it so hard to give them up?

The Gym

Today was my first session back at the gym. I am going to a new gym, no more pole dancing. But this gym has a pool instead.
Today was my introduction and the first part of my program was put together, just cardio for now. It feels different this time. I think because I am doing it for me and just me. Not because I want to impress anyone and it isn't for anyone. It is for me so that I can get better.
I feel pretty good after my first session, even if it didn't go for a long time. I also want to combine some aerobic classes with my program.
I have a goal of getting back to 60kgs by the time I go back to Oz for a holiday. So plenty of time to get there, no rush.

Good day

Today was a good day.
I went and joined the gym today. I feel prety for joining, now I just have to go. They have a program with the instructors that check up on you every month, so I will be accountable to someone which means it will more likely work.
I have to keep up the good work and I will get better. I am looking forward to the process of getting better.

The pursuit of happiness

What can make us happy?
It is something that I am grappling with recently.
So I have decided to document my progress in happiness.
I have started my medication today and I want to be better. So by telling others how I am going through this journey then maybe I can help others.
I am good.
My afternoon at work was great. I was aware and motivated to work. I had things to be done and I got them done.
I had dates scheduled and I cancelled them. It is time I thought about me and my progress.
I am not a naturally happy person and I want to be.
I hope if anyone reads this and it helps them then I know what I am going through was worth it.